Lately, I have been getting a lot of questions about my choice to be a stay at home daughter. Mostly questions like, “What is a stay at home daughter?”, “Why do you want to stay home after high school?”, “What about college?”, “How will you find somebody to marry?”
I have been praying about these questions, praying about the answers, looking for advice, and I have finally decided that I am ready and prepared to explain my decision. This is a long post with a lot of information, but this is the direction that I feel God is leading me, and I want to share it my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.
Let’s start off by covering, “What is a stay at home daughter?” A stay at home daughter is a girl who has decided to stay home after high school instead of going to college in order to learn and prepare herself to be a godly wife and mother.
I realize that this concept is hard to understand for many people, and honestly, I couldn’t see the beauty in staying at home just a year ago myself. I want everyone to understand that I am not under the belief that being a stay at home daughter is meant for everyone. Nor is being a homemaker/stay at home mom.
After people understand the answer to the first question, the second comes quickly after. “What about college?!” By not going to college, I am not giving up my education. As Bailey from My Holy Joy says,
“My very soul was shaped to thirst for wisdom, to learn, grow and live out what I had been taught.”
There is an enormous amount of things I need to know and conquer before I can reach this goal of being a homemaker.
The thing I want everyone to understand, is that my desire is not for a career outside of the home. Yes, I am very involved in theatre and yes, I want to be a professional actress, but that is a secondary dream. If at any point that prevents me from serving the family that God has given me, then I will give it up until it is not a problem. I want to be a God-glorifying, honorable wife; a loving, gentle, and wise mother; I want to be a homemaker. And you know what? I don’t need a college degree to do that.
Right now, I am foregoing college. I don’t plan on attending any time soon, but I have no idea if college will be part of God’s plan for me in the future. But for right now, It’s not on my schedule. It has taken me a very long time to come to this conclusion. Every since I started kindergarten, it was always told to me “You want to do well in school so you can get into a great college.” and, “After high school, you will be going to college and…”
Right now I am sixteen (seventeen in July) and finishing my Junior year in high school. College is a terrifying thought for me!
Going to college is not economically worth it for me at the moment. Like I said earlier, I don’t need a degree for my job. I also don’t have any money to put towards college. Sure there are scholarships, but also a lot of debt. Either I and/or my future husband would be saddled with that debt- and in today’s economy, debt is a wicked master.
I am also not emotionally strong enough to go to college. I am not ready to be living on my own! I have friendship problems, boy troubles, times of depression and faulty thinking. I have times where I lose my joy, and my foundation in Christ is still shifting, shaping, and growing stronger. I struggle with having a humble heart, patience, and obedience. I know that we cannot be tied to our homes forever, but if graduating high school and going off to college at eighteen is the first taste of freedom, then I’d rather test my wings in a safe environment surrounded by my parents and church family who will catch me, rather than on my own in this sinful world.
A college campus is not a home life no matter how you twist, stretch, or look at it. Away from my father, I would be unable to practice submission; away from my mother, I would have no mentorship in homemaking skills; away from my younger siblings, I would have no opportunity to forge skills in self-control, patience, and abounding love.
A question that I asked myself frequently was, “How will I find Mr. Right if I don’t go out into the world?” The answer is actually quite easy. Trust in the Lord. The Lord has a perfect plan for my life, and he will bring the right man into my life when the right time comes. I have to accept that. Plus, I am going out into the world! Being a stay at home daughter does not mean that I am inside the confines of the home 24/7. I still spend time with my friends, I enjoy having fellowship and worshiping God at church on Sunday, I can babysit, and I have even met some really awesome people while at the grocery store.
The biggest questions that I used to trip over were the “what if” questions. “What if your husband dies?” What if your husband loses his job?” “What if you turn 40 and want a career, but don’t have a degree?” Easy. The Lord will provide. I’m not saying that you can’t be ready for when a tragedy happens, but you should not worry about that right now. If or when it happens, I will rely on the Lord to provide and to lead my family in the right direction.
Living at home is preparing me more for the future then a classroom and whiteboard ever could because I get the chance to truly learn and observe what a godly marriage (after the ‘big white wedding”) looks like. I get to see the role my dad has as a leader, a husband, a provider, and a father. I get to see the role my mother has as a teacher, a chef, a maid, a wife, and a mother.
I believe that the perfect time to make the most of every opportunity is while you are single. And that is exactly what I intend to do.
Even after everything I have just said, my first and foremost command is found in Mark 12:30-31
“And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”
I know I already said this, but I absolutely do not think that this career is meant for everybody. I also don’t expect everybody to agree with me. But I am asking you to respect my decision because this is truly where I believe God is leading me. If you still don’t understand something, I will be happy to reply with the best of my abilities.
Thank you for reading.